From 600+ conversations with the world’s leading thinkers.
You have to go into a very quiet place in your mind, away from the noise of the world, the noise of doubters, insecurities and your own self. You have to quiet your disbelief and create open mindedness to your own ability to succeed and overcome.
This is nothing to do with the 0.000001% who go on to be professional fighters – it's about the 99.9% of people who train because they enjoy it, and connect with it – and who apply the lessons they've learned to deal with the setbacks, failures, victories, challenges and tests they're going to get in work and life.
Rugby is unique compared to other sports and aspects of life. It involves a physical intensity where you're running full force into an opponent who's doing the same to you. This element creates a deeper bond within the team, as you're literally putting your body on the line for your teammates.
We're discussing the challenging feat for our species of being both self-advocating and relationship-oriented, particularly in stressful circumstances. When stressed, we all tend to lean towards self-preservation, which may be perceived as a threat by others.
One of the psychological effects of that is it can blur the boundaries between self and group and create this feeling that you are the group, and the group is you. And this obviously has the capacity to promote quite strong forms of pro-group action.
However, if the supply is infinite, (that's true of emails), then you're never actually going to get that position of mastery over time. What's going to happen is that you just get busier and busier and move faster and faster!
It's not success we should be seeking but consonance, alignment, flow. When what we do actually matters to us. We are being called upon to solve a problem at hand, to use what we do best in the world, and in turn being rewarded for in a way that is meaningful to us.
Technology claims to be showing us a mirror of what was already present in society- racism, conspiracy theories- but in reality, technology is a funhouse mirror with a feedback loop that's engineered to show us the most egregious parts of society… those parts that are better at keeping our attention. The mirror gets more and more warped, but we mistake it for an honest and neutral view of who we are.
You can have athletes that are at their physical peak but without the right mental resilience and approach, their performance will not be where it needs to. I've focused on that a lot through my career- learning through experiences and trying to keep a perspective on what I'd achieved previously.
Before you succeed, you must first learn to fail. If you keep repeating the same thing, you're always going to fail, you need to adjust. We have to look at failures and use them as an educational tool.
When you're getting defeated in training, you're getting better. You've got to get tested in life if you're going to improve. When you're training in the martial arts, you always want to be getting beaten in the practice room. That signifies you're fighting good people.
If you always make one thing your excuse or let other people drag you down because of something like your gender, it will become your prophecy. You just have to keep fighting.