From 600+ conversations with the world’s leading thinkers.
My discipline lies in taking full responsibility; I don't blame anyone else. If I lose, it's on me to accept and address it. The very next day in the gym, I start working on what went wrong.
We only make progress by getting up from getting kicked to the ground. How does a baby learn to walk? It falls, gets back up… falls, gets back up, and one day its running. Here's the thing about life. You will fall, stumble and fail- that's inevitable. You need to analyse it when it happens, learn from those mistakes, and move on.
I'm a firm believer that creativity comes from restrictions, so I'm really grateful that I grew-up with so many restrictions around me. When you give someone complete freedom and a blank canvas, it could take forever to figure out what you want to do, but when you give people limitations and say, 'here's a canvas, but you can only paint with yellow..' – the wheels start turning, and you plan to get out of the box you're put in.
Currently, public services are extraordinarily hostile to those in poverty; a doctrine we've seen clearly in how the Home Office has handled the Windrush generation. This ideology believes people will respond positively to being treated with hostility; but that only works for emotionally regulated people who didn't grow-up in adversity. Our public services are emotionally illiterate.
One of the simplest but hardest things to do is to be honest with ourselves. We are works-in-progress from the day we're born, till the day we die. You should never, ever, stop working on yourself.
The number one thing is misread intentions. You assume someone has ill intent toward you—maybe to hurt you, harm you, or make you feel uncomfortable—and you don't check in on those intentions. Then a narrative forms in your head, and that's when you start spiralling. You can apply this to your children, to relationships, and it happens constantly at work.
I looked at these people as hecklers... as a comedian, that's what you do. You rebound heckling with comedy. I had to think of funny, witty ways to make them look foolish for giving the abuse. The way I did that (and still do it today) is to retweet or screenshot what they said, however vile, extreme or unpleasant – and think of something to say back which defuses it, disarms them, and makes them look stupid.
Without understanding the rules of the game, you might assume that your outcomes are determined mostly by luck. People who end up unhappy about what they get conclude that they were unlucky or that the system was rigged against them. After enough of these experiences, they believe that's just how the world works.
Our brains are adept at concealing our motives from ourselves, convincing us that we are not as interested in status as we might actually be. This self-deception, paradoxically, enhances our ability to argue our lack of interest in status, which, in turn, can ironically increase our standing within the social group. People are drawn to this perceived humility, further entrenching the intricate and ironic dance of status within human society.
When you fail, you take ownership of the failure, and then you assess what mistakes were made, what could be done differently, what better instructions you could have given, what better support you could have given, then you fix those problems, move on and try again, simple.
I want you to not deny your shadow, your darkest impulses, but to find ways to use them and turn them into something productive. We ought to take that ambition, those aggressive impulses, and channel them into our work, into great causes, into justice.
Current statistics indicate that 1 in 3 managers grapple with exhaustion, stress, and mental health challenges. If leaders themselves are struggling, how can they effectively support their teams? It's crucial for leaders to prioritize self-care.