Psychology

I believe a key issue is this newfound ability to hide behind our screens, which gives a false sense of impunity, allowing people to express themselves without restraint. Moreover, the surge in social media use seems to be edging out genuine social interactions. The more time we spend glued to our screens, the less we engage in meaningful, real-world exchanges.

Growing up immersed in multiple languages taught me a profound lesson: achieving fluency in a language is akin to mastering the art of human connection and social interaction. To me, social fluency hinges on two pivotal abilities: first, the capacity to decode the nuances of people and situations accurately and swiftly; and second, the skill to engage with others smoothly, effectively, and confidently.

Unlearning silence doesn't mean speaking incessantly—the world is far too noisy for that. Instead, it means understanding the difference between choosing to be silent and having silence imposed upon you. It's recognizing whether silence is additive or oppressive, whether it's reflective and generative or merely detracting. It's about having agency: Do I get to choose when to be silent?

The silence we've adopted, along with the habits, behaviours, and patterns we've established, don't have to dictate how we proceed today or tomorrow, even if they characterized our yesterdays. It's challenging, to be clear. Changing behaviours is difficult. But on the other side of that challenge lies the opportunity for us to meet our needs, to build the teams we truly intend to build.

So much of silence is about perpetuating the status quo, reinforcing what someone or dominant groups within an entity or organization have deemed appropriate, good, polite. Being different inherently exposes you to vulnerability; you're pushing against everything that the forces of mimicry urge you to do, which is to conform. Yet, we also recognize that innovation is impossible without differing opinions.

Silence is, by definition, an absence—an absence of voice, opinion, and life. It begins so subtly that it often goes unnoticed. We start by withdrawing or withholding our genuine thoughts from conversations, replacing them with what we presume others want to hear. As it continues, silence essentially means we cannot fully be ourselves. We find ourselves editing parts of who we are, censoring our thoughts and feelings—and we do this to each other, often without realizing it.

It's this natural propensity to analyse and optimize everything around me, turning mundane tasks like loading a dishwasher into a strategic game of Tetris, that highlights how my brain operates. It's an instinctive approach to life, viewing the world through the lens of systems and structures.

Founder of Electronic Arts (EA) and 3DO Company

From a young age, I was acutely aware of the exhilaration that came with play. It was an early insight, recognising that through play, I was learning by doing. Play is inherently interactive, granting agency whether indoors or outdoors. When competition was added into the mix, playing with friends introduced me to complex concepts like game theory, including strategies involving threats, promises, and bluffs.

Founder of Electronic Arts (EA) and 3DO Company

In my interactions at the Samaritans, I've encountered a recurring theme: many individuals grappling with suicidal thoughts are often trying to navigate through what feels like an irreversible loss of status and the deep-seated need for connection and belonging. This insight underscores the profound impact that a perceived loss in these areas can have on an individual's well-being.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

This vulnerability we have is like a crack in the human psyche, a gateway through which madness seeps in. The human brain isn't primarily focused on discerning truth. Instead, it's preoccupied with understanding who to align with and what beliefs to adopt to secure connection and status within a given culture.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Social media hasn't changed these games; it's merely provided a new platform for them. Virtue status, however, is comparatively accessible, especially within the realms of social media. This ease of gaining virtue status on social media, coupled with our innate desire for status, explains the platform's toxicity. We're drawn to the simplest form of status acquisition, and social media facilitates this with minimal effort.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Status, I believe, is intrinsic to our very being it's at the core of who we are. This quest for status isn't a novel aspect of human behaviour—it's a pursuit that predates our very existence as humans. This pursuit isn't just a facet of our lives; it essentially narrates the story of human existence. The significance of status, of being esteemed and recognised in these respects, cannot be overstated—it's profoundly and fundamentally important to us.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Our brains are adept at concealing our motives from ourselves, convincing us that we are not as interested in status as we might actually be. This self-deception, paradoxically, enhances our ability to argue our lack of interest in status, which, in turn, can ironically increase our standing within the social group. People are drawn to this perceived humility, further entrenching the intricate and ironic dance of status within human society.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Based on my experience, I can say that healing is possible without forgiveness. It's perfectly valid for some people to choose never to forgive. There's a prevalent belief that forgiveness is necessary, as if something is wrong with you if you don't forgive. I disagree with this notion.

I've started using the term 'overwhelming life experience' to describe trauma because it seems to be less daunting for people. When I ask if they've had such experiences, they begin to understand the breadth of trauma.

I used to believe in the concept of permanent healing, but my views have evolved. Nothing is permanent; however, each round of healing lightens our load and elevates us energetically. Life will inevitably reactivate old wounds, but these moments don't engulf us as they once did.