Psychology

In my interactions at the Samaritans, I've encountered a recurring theme: many individuals grappling with suicidal thoughts are often trying to navigate through what feels like an irreversible loss of status and the deep-seated need for connection and belonging. This insight underscores the profound impact that a perceived loss in these areas can have on an individual's well-being.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

This vulnerability we have is like a crack in the human psyche, a gateway through which madness seeps in. The human brain isn't primarily focused on discerning truth. Instead, it's preoccupied with understanding who to align with and what beliefs to adopt to secure connection and status within a given culture.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Social media hasn't changed these games; it's merely provided a new platform for them. Virtue status, however, is comparatively accessible, especially within the realms of social media. This ease of gaining virtue status on social media, coupled with our innate desire for status, explains the platform's toxicity. We're drawn to the simplest form of status acquisition, and social media facilitates this with minimal effort.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Status, I believe, is intrinsic to our very being it's at the core of who we are. This quest for status isn't a novel aspect of human behaviour—it's a pursuit that predates our very existence as humans. This pursuit isn't just a facet of our lives; it essentially narrates the story of human existence. The significance of status, of being esteemed and recognised in these respects, cannot be overstated—it's profoundly and fundamentally important to us.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Our brains are adept at concealing our motives from ourselves, convincing us that we are not as interested in status as we might actually be. This self-deception, paradoxically, enhances our ability to argue our lack of interest in status, which, in turn, can ironically increase our standing within the social group. People are drawn to this perceived humility, further entrenching the intricate and ironic dance of status within human society.

British journalist and author known for investigative reporting and psychology books

Based on my experience, I can say that healing is possible without forgiveness. It's perfectly valid for some people to choose never to forgive. There's a prevalent belief that forgiveness is necessary, as if something is wrong with you if you don't forgive. I disagree with this notion.

I've started using the term 'overwhelming life experience' to describe trauma because it seems to be less daunting for people. When I ask if they've had such experiences, they begin to understand the breadth of trauma.

I used to believe in the concept of permanent healing, but my views have evolved. Nothing is permanent; however, each round of healing lightens our load and elevates us energetically. Life will inevitably reactivate old wounds, but these moments don't engulf us as they once did.

I often discuss what I call 'double trauma,' where current stress triggers a deeper, unresolved issue from the past. This dual-layer perspective is crucial: first, we address the immediate stressors; this is where most people begin.

My job is to help people recognise the origins and intentions behind these responses. Unlike the common societal and professional desire to dismiss these responses as merely negative, I believe we should examine them more closely. How is drinking serving you?

My resilience, I believe, is inherited from my parents. They, ordinary in every sense, achieved the extraordinary for us, their children, striving to offer opportunities they never had. They embodied perseverance, teaching me to distinguish a bad day from a bad life, to persist, and to adapt. My parents' immense influence, coupled with my stubbornness, shaped my journey.

Syrian Swimmer & Refugee Advocate Who Competed in Olympics

We typically advise families to be very cautious about engaging with social media. Information found there can often be based on assumptions, leading to wildly inaccurate theories that only heighten anxiety for those following the situation. The key is to have someone knowledgeable and understanding by your side—someone who can interpret the situation and provide support throughout this trying experience.

Envoy and Negotiator Who Was Held Hostage in Lebanon

Once released, former hostages encounter a myriad of practical issues—closed bank accounts, lapsed insurance, and the need for specialised medical and dental care that isn't readily available. They might also require physical therapy among other medical treatments. It's not just the hostage who suffers, but their entire family. In some cases, families endure greater agony, living in uncertainty about their loved one's fate.

Envoy and Negotiator Who Was Held Hostage in Lebanon

There are various forms of hostage-taking, each with distinct characteristics. Broadly speaking, one can categorise them into political and criminal hostage-takings. Political hostage-taking involves abducting someone to gain a political leverage—this is the first type. The second type is criminal hostage-taking, where the motive is ransom. Both types are illegal, as forcibly detaining someone is a criminal act, but the distinction helps clarify the underlying motives.

Envoy and Negotiator Who Was Held Hostage in Lebanon

In my experience, there is a profound difference when counselling involves someone who has personally endured captivity or whose family has dealt with hostage situations. Time and again, I've observed that people find it extremely beneficial to speak with someone who can directly relate to their experience. An empathetic counsellor without this background can indeed offer substantial support, but speaking with someone who truly understands what it means to be in that situation adds a unique layer of comfort and understanding.

Envoy and Negotiator Who Was Held Hostage in Lebanon

From her, I learned that grief is the cost of deep love. By keeping this awareness ever-present in our daily lives, it prompts us to reflect on the importance of life. 'What do I want to do today, knowing tomorrow is not promised to me?'

Author of "From Scratch" memoir and television producer