From 600+ conversations with the world’s leading thinkers.
We can be sexually aroused by a mere text message, tapping into a primal sensory system in a bizarre way. We can feel empathy for someone on the other side of the globe. We can perpetrate violence, like dropping a bomb from 30,000 feet, without ever seeing the victim's face.
I began a conversation with my future wife in January 1983 and 38 years later, that conversation ended when she drew her last breath at 7.30 in the evening on the 2nd of September 2021. To be truly and completely seen, understood and loved by another Human Being, was her greatest gift to me.
The systems we now use exist at a scale that's actually hard to comprehend as human beings. On Facebook, you are one of several billion people and at that scale, it's easy to become a number, or simply a wallet.
When I got better, even simple things like being able to wake-up, go for a walk, speak, and observe life, felt viscerally stunning and good. I found a state of being – a state that gave me perspective and feeling about life and my place in it.
My early experience as an unaccompanied child refugee on the Kindertransport brought me to England in 1939, evading Nazi Europe. That really had an enormous impact on me, everything was different. It was such a big change, that change doesn't throw me anymore. I've learned to enjoy change, I like to do new things, make new things happen.
Disruption is treated as an event, and it is a constant and that is the interesting sort of fallacy. As humans we want this state of consistency but if we are taking it as a hypothesis, we are constantly being disrupted, constantly changing and the groundwork we are standing on is shifting all the time.
I've sat by all the infinity pools I need and I don't have a single memory of sitting by one.. Luxury is also kind of gross to me now.
On the night of my 30th birthday, I was at a bar in San Francisco... I walked out of that bar at midnight, drunk. I didn't even own running gear, I had some comfortable silk boxer shorts on – took off my pants – and took off down an alleyway stumbling south without knowing that a town called Half Moon Bay was nearly 30 miles away. When the alcohol wore off, I had this epiphany. I looked up and saw heaven – I saw the stars – it was the first moment of clarity I had since I'd given up running. It made me realise that perhaps I was on this earth to be a runner – I wasn't happy being a business guy, it was making me miserable. I was comfortable, but miserable.
Self-awareness, to me, is about discerning the elements of life we can control from those we should release. This recognition doesn't hinder growth or improvement but provides a necessary clarity that aids in managing stress.
I was comfortable, but miserable. I wanted to be out on my own, vulnerable, suffering, and in pain, but with the beauty of me versus the distance.
We have to be aware of our cognitive fallacies to build some immunity to our cognitive traps. One simple thing we can all do is work on our own confirmation bias from time to time. I try to read things by people I disagree with for example, because I want to hear their best arguments and see whether my beliefs and values stand-up to them.
One is: Do I trust you with my feelings? Do I think that you're going to be a listener who is non-judgmental, or do I think you're going to judge me—'Marc is weak because he's anxious,' or 'Marc is a man and he's feeling sad; dudes don't feel sad.' So if I think you're going to judge me for my feelings, I'm going to be much more guarded about whether or not I express them.