From 600+ conversations with the world’s leading thinkers.
a compelling call to action that will stay with you long after you've turned the last page.
When you're involved in conflict, you're not sane. You may start out being sane, and in those early stages it's certainly possible to mediate and arbitrate. Using those tools you often end up cutting the baby in half – you give a little, I give a little, you give a little more, I give a little more, and suddenly everyone is miserable.
We should learn how to fight not flight. And fight doesn't have to be a physical thing – it can be that you feel something's going to be uncomfortable 'okay well let's avoid it'. No, go through with it but go through with it in a progressive manner, and go through with it in an intelligent manner and measure your results.
When we mask, conform, and hide aspects of who we are, it actually hurts and damages us in the end. But no one can be authentic 100% of the time because we are tribal, very social.
When you set out on that yellow-brick-road of life to fulfil your goals, just be the best you can be – and whether that means you finish as champion, first, second, tenth, whatever… if you've done your best? You're winning. The martial arts however can teach you a lot about how to perform – how to dig deep – and how to be better than you think you can be.
Without what Becker called 'cultural world views' we would be overwhelmed by existential terror. Beliefs about reality that we share foster psychological equanimity by giving us a sense of meaning and value.
You have to know who you are, be open-minded, and be ready to collaborate. You have to have thick-skin and be prepared to get your idea ripped apart.
You can have your best day and your worst day on the same day. There's so much happening at once, and everything happens so fast… the emotional highs and lows are tense.
You have to make decisions throughout your life and be prepared to accept responsibility for those decisions. There is also confidence that comes from learning a set of skills – and that confidence allows you to challenge the status quo, push back on people who may not be supporters, and really drive your own agenda in a positive way.
The wilderness doesn't care about your university degree, your bank balance, or your social media following. It only responds to your character, your resilience, and your ability to adapt.
Whether we look at the rioters who converged on the capital, the Gamestop Redditors, Incels or Qanon followers, what they have in common is that they're groups of people who are lonely and craving community. Right wing populists have very effectively spoken to this feeling. Trump and Le Pen talk about the 'forgotten people' they say 'we hear you' – That fundamental need for human connection is missing for significant swathes of our population, and that's dangerous.
The irony is that the more passive aggressive you are, the more your relationships will get damaged, much more so than if you were just honest. Passive aggression is infuriating when you're dealing with it. It can feel like shadowboxing!